back to the basics

My brother got out of rehab FOUR DAY'S EARLY. Such a wonderful surprise, only thing is, ive been sleeping in his bed for the past 60 day's. My boyfriend and I started cleaning and re-arranging my room this past Monday, and it was NOT in sleeping condition. I thought I had, well, FOUR DAY'S left to clean it. WHOOOOA. So I scrambled not only to get my room in decent sleeping condition this afternoon, but also to put my broskis room back together so that he might never know I had moved in. ;) YIKES!

I was an instant sob machine the second I wrapped my arms around him. MAN I didn't see that one coming at all. I am feeling so blessed to have him home right now. I just keep praying that even though it will be hard for him, that the worst is behind us. I love him so much, and I want more than anything to watch him succeed in life. Or more importantly, to be alive for it.

I ended up going to my parents church this evening so that I could hang out with him afterwards. Church was interesting. I never fully enjoy myself there, I just don't feel like it's my home. However, God can speak to me anytime, any place, no matter where I feel at "home." - and speak he did. If nothing else I did get little things here and there out of the sermon, and I genuinely am excited to sit down and do my devotions tomorrow.

After church I went out with Ange (brother) and one of his friends to watch fireworks. I must say they were the COOLEST and BEST fire works I have ever seen. We were sooooo close that I literally felt like they were falling on me. A-mazing.

Well- I suppose that will be all for tonight, tomorrow bright and early I'm taking my pup in to get fixed. :( Than it's off to wax the boyfriends neck. ha ha. =]

Ciao~

will the madness end?

quick post, than it's off to bed.

I took after a dear friend today (she would be proud,) and made a "to do list." I actually made it out the night before, and than stuck to it all day long! It was a tedious list full of all sorts of random errands. I felt like I had conquered the world when I finished it this afternoon. However oddly enough, after completely and running errands all day I feel EXHAUSTED and almost wish that even though all of those things needed to be done, that I would have possibly split them into 2 different afternoons. I forced myself to sit down and bead tonight, while yes, I did complete a necklace, I also ended up burning myself out. Here it is MIDNIGHT and I am sluggishly just settling down for the night. Where does all the time go in a day? When will I have a day full of everything I need/want to do? When do I get to play the guitar, see my boyfriend, have coffee with my bestie, make all the necklace quotas that I need to make, organize my craft table, clean out my car, do the dishes, walk the dog, run to the bank and TAKE A NAP????? Oh and lets not forget STUDY and PASS my next test.

I'm so exhausted from the tedious that I have worn myself unprepared for the mountains about to come. It looks like I need to go back to the basics here, grab my bible, a cup of coffee and a glorious sun set. Here is to the business ahead of me that is "this week." I pray for not only strength to get through it, but a new found source of energy and delight.

Tomorrow I take Mamma bear to her very first mani/pedi. We've been saving for a century!!! :)

Ciao~

Ive got the joy joy joy joy-

down in my heart.

There are so many things that I don't understand at this point in my life. I mean there are alway's the obvious answers to everything, but I still don't understand them. Like for instance addiction, sure everything starts out as "fun", but what about 50 years down the road when you need an oxygen tank to breath because you chose to smoke, or you have to have your inside lip skin replaced due to lip cancer (if you don't die from it.) Or how about that friend that chooses to be high when everyone goes out to the bar so that he can be the "sober" cab. All it takes is one accident to kill them all, or worse yet in my opinion, an innocent bystander. I'll sit down and have a drink, but Ive seen what happens when it goes to far. I have my limits, and I know them for the most part. I'm just really curious why someone would choose to stay in a grim life of hang overs and withdrawals??

My brother is getting out of rehab this coming Saturday, which has really sparked my thinking. Ive been going to family meetings and visitations weekly now for the past 2 months. I do trust the Lord with him, I will also be the first to stand up and tell you that I am anxious over his return. I love him with all of my heart, and would genuinely do anything for him. Listening to him cry out for help and proclaim that he wants to be different, he wants to be changed is a humbling experience in my own heart. I feel like I need to do anything I can to help him along this road, the only question is HOW?? he's 17 and can't wait to be free (physically, mentally, spiritually,) however it's not until the end of his program that he has started to drastically show signs of wanting to change. I just wish I knew for a fact (there's that trust factor again) that having him home is going to be safe for him. My worst fear is that one day he is going to kill himself, or someone else. I love him so much, and I wish that I could show him my past and reveal the ins and outs of who I am now, so he could see it's WORTH IT to live a clean life.

now on a different note-

My church is doing a sermon series titled "the blessed life."

I felt so inspired from it, I would like to share it with you as well. :)

The Blessed Life part 3(Pastor Mark Mellen) from Substance Church on Vimeo.

oh hair-

I have been busier now since school got out than I was when school was in. It is insane, I thought all of my free time was going to be spent recuperating, NOT. I am more run down and sick feeling, and I just can't seem to get on top of things! Although, it is only one day's worth of bunny hills feeling more like mountains.

Were ganna go with bullet points tonight-

*On a glass half full note- I passed my gen cosmetology test today, that is a HUGE praise the Lord. Now I just have to take the next week or so to study for the second one, pass it, and than I'll be legit. =]

*I ruined my hair this evening. I alway's take my hair into my own hands because I like to do things whenever I want them done, I'm much to spur of the moment to work around other people's life schedules. I used a 9N on my scalp/new growth, just like I did before, only I used the "ION" brand instead of Aveda. First off, it burned the heck out of my scalp, second, it turned my new growth an UGLY strawberry blonde. I than used Blue malva to try and even it out a bit and instead of toning that down, it just turned my lightest blonde pieces a very ashy blonde which makes the whole thing look kind of sick. And last but not least, somehow (I believe because my blonde was so much lighter than the 9) I ended up getting it on bits and pieces that weren't my new growth, and it turned those almost a dark brown. I just look so ridiculous in my mind. Definitely NOT how I pictured it turning out lol.

*I am now going to the F. Market solo, my Mr's sister backed out on me and I will now experience my first one on my own.

*The right side of my throat is still soooo swollen and painful, and I'm sick mr. bear (boyfriend) still not being able to drive. I think that is all the complaining I am going to allow for tonight.

Hopefully tomorrow is a bit cheerier-

Ciao~

FYI

Bare with me as I try to work all of my "kink's" out. I have had a blog since 08, however since the google switch happened, it makes it REALLY hard for me to log in under my old blog. Therefore, i am starting anew, and my super secret blog of old will remain in the shadows as this new one takes flight.

I apologize, i don't often find time on my hands to sit down and work with these things, however I hope to have a picture and most of my profile back up and running by tomorrow!!

xxoo

To start anew

Hello friends,

here I am as a different me. :)

-my nephew on the right- =]

A quick little update on life as I plan on jumping forward with things as apposed to back:

I graduated from Aveda, I still have to take my written tests, but they are currently in the works.

I am still with my "Mr," I adore him. He's no mr. perfect, and I'm

no Ms, but we certainly have been conquerors in this relationship.

I am still making jewelry, and still desire to have my own shop in the next 5 years or so.

-I still havent found the time to update my etsy site.

I am excited, SO SO excited to see where God takes this 23rd year of mine.

I have had so many close friends come and go within the past few years, some friendships I anticipated being short lived, and some came and went in and out of left field. There are few that remain as precious and impart-able. Those few I cherish and do my best to make time for and likewise weasle my way into their precious time frames.

My family has been through the wringer in the past 2 years. My youngest brother (17) is currently in rehab, about to get out in the next week and a half. I will be perfectly honest, I am terrified for when he comes home (elaboration's to come later.)

I have been through some pretty HUGE endeavors with my man's friends in the past month. Having gone through them, I have learned a lot about myself, and a LOT more about other people. weird how that happens. ;)

I have been so inspired this past week to make changes in all aspects. I have A.D.D in every aspect in life lol and if I am not working on 5 projects at one time, well I just wouldn't be me.

My first project under going tackle mode has been my mr's bedroom. Being that my boyfriend's license has currently been revoked, (he's working to get it back- not paying off tickets really get's one into some hot water) and his car conveniently broken, ive been spending most of my free time at his home 30 minuets from my own. I felt the burn to organize and gave him an ultimatum, either we started with his life, or mine... we have been organizing and cleaning since MONDAY...I was anticipating only Monday. YIKES...my renovation will come this next Monday- stay tuned. :)

I also am falling behind on my jewelry inventory, 70% I blame on Mr. not driving, 30% I blame on other things. UGGGHHHH

However, I see a break in the horizon, fall is coming, (my favorite favorite FAVORITE season) and with that comes my inspiration hat. I am excited!

That shall be all for now, I just wanted to ease my way back in.

Ciao~