long time no talk.

Hey friends, it sure has been a while. SO SORRY. Ha. :)

Yeah sooo that whole week of being sick has of course trickled its course and dragged itself on. My fun sinus infection has turned itself into a fun double ear infection. As my "sister" Jen has commented, "when it rains it pours."

So that being said, I missed out on a fun night out with my best friend and her husband. lol we had a little din din at their house, but had to cancel our fun plans in DT still for the night. My night in shining armor took me to rent red box movies and we spent the rest of the night snuggled up. HUMPH.

Honestly, aside from me not feeling the greatest, today was absolutely beautiful. Truly how did we get a Halloween with no snow and 50 degrees? Sunshine sunshine sunshine.

I would like to give Taylor swifts new album a shout out. I LOOOOOVE IT. While we are on the subject of T, I accidentally spent $10 on a stupid US magazine all about her today. I needed something to read at the gym and I saw her face on US (anytime I see a mag with T-swift or L- conrad, well, I just can't resist) so I grabbed it and  had bry use my card to purchase it while i ran a quick last minuet errand. WELL WELL WELL, little did I know it wasn't the typical $2 mag. Got me good T-SWIFT, got me REEAALLL good. Needless to say, this magazine will go on my book shelf as if it were an actual book...I spend less on my books via amazon. WHAT A JOKE.


I would next like to give my old friend @ http://jmerry2010.blogspot.com/ a quick shout out. HURRAY FOR YOUR NEW ADVENTURE IN LIFE. Good luck in all that you do, couldn't be more excited for your new start. I hope it turns into everything you had ever dreamed it to be. ADVENTURE!!!

Oh and as a quick insert that should have gone with the paragraph before the last one, I went to the gym today for the first time in a looong long time! I only worked off 400 calories in 40 min..you do the math as to how hard I actually worked out... ;)

Alright, that's all I've got for you. I must get home so I can hand out candy to all the little trick or treaters.


LOVE!

Time management

Ok- I have yet to read through this entire thing...even though it's hardly long. I'm just exhausted. However I will post it for all of you to read through in case it might inspire, and I will read and be inspired later. Enjoy :)

http://www.timemanagementhelp.com/strategies.htm

Time Management Strategies

Building time management strategies is similar to planning a budget. Just as the goal of a budget is to put you in control of your money, your goal in time management is to regain control of your time. The first step in forming time management strategies is to analyze how you spend your time.For one week, list everything you do and the approximate time it takes. At the end of the week, you’ll see how you “spent” your time. Now you’re ready to begin planning. Humans are creatures of habit and chances are you’ll find you adhere to some sort of daily routine.
Examine your routine and determine where you can make changes. Include all of your daily tasks, scheduling them at their usual times and allowing ample time to complete them. If you’re normally five minutes late, schedule your time so that you are able to leave ten minutes earlier. At first, this may mean starting your day 15 minutes earlier, but effective time management strategies soon put you back in control of time that used to fall through the cracks.
Frequently time management brings a picture to mind of a daily planner with every minute plotted from the time your alarm clock sounds until the time you crawl into bed. However, time management experts suggest that you planning only 50% of your time leaves you time to relax as well as time to cope with the unexpected.
Create a To Do List
After you’ve analyzed your time, begin planning by creating a To Do List for tomorrow. Divide the list into classes.

1. Today’s schedule or high priority activities that you must complete today. Be sure to include personal appointments and social obligations like doctor’s appointments. Just as important are activities like promised family outings or playtimes with children.
2. Projects with a deadline beyond today (tomorrow, this week, this month, etc.)
3. When I get around to it. (i.e. clean out the garage, the closets)

Your first inclination may be to put all small projects in the first category, but remember the first part of your list is for things you need to accomplish. You’ll also optimize your time by including some small projects in number two or number three. Secondly, prioritize each of the three sections of your To Do List, listing items first by deadline (e.g. needs to be done in the a.m, p.m. or exact time or date). List Class 3 projects by their order of importance.Class 1: Today’s Schedule
Start planning your day using your routine as a guide. Pencil in times for Class 1 projects, making sure you give each one a generous block of time. If you estimate a job will take 15 minutes, give yourself half an hour to complete it. If you estimate it will take an hour, give yourself an hour and a half. If “today’s projects” are few, fill in the rest of your day with Class 2 projects. Be flexible. As you work through your daily plan, if you finish a task ahead of schedule, either move on to your next scheduled task or work on part of an unscheduled Class 2 project. If a routine break is the next thing on your schedule, reward yourself with an early break, still allowing only the normal amount of time to give yourself an early start on your next task. Also, take advantage of multi-task opportunities. Work on a page of Friday’s report while today’s report is printing. Refill your coffee cup when you pick up the fax from the office fax machine. Fold a load of laundry while the potatoes are boiling. When new things “crop up”, either put them in a free block of time or add them to part two or part three of your list. Also, remember to leave 10 or 15 minutes at the end of your schedule to make your To Do List for tomorrow.
Class 2: Projects With a Deadline
Whenever possible, split up projects with a deadline. For instance, laundry needs to be done this week, but you can divide it into loads and finish it over several days. At work, long reports can be broken into pages. If you finish a task from today’s schedule with time to spare, use the “extra time” to complete part of a Class 2 project. Throw tonight’s load of laundry into the washer or work on a page of the report that’s due on Friday. Cross off any parts of finished projects to avoid repetition and to help you see what you have accomplished as well as to stay focused on what you have left to do.
Class 3: When I Get A Round To-It
As you did with Projects With a Deadline, divide larger projects into smaller tasks whenever you can. For instance, you might want to detail the inside of your vehicle. Washing windows, cleaning the steering wheel, console, dash, upholstery and carpets can all be done separately. At first you may find “round to-its” are a rare breed. In that case, you may want to schedule a Class 3 project or part of one into your day. However, as you become more organized, you’ll be hanging “round to-its” on the wall like trophies, especially if you take advantage or our Time Management Tips.

New slate

Today was quite the emotional roller coaster of day's. I spent over half the day bawling my eyes out surrounded by family at Great grammies funeral, and i spent the other half of the day laughing with them. True bitter sweet-ness. As awful as this sounds, (or maybe it doesn't) I am really glad that it is all finally over. I am glad that it's over for her, and for us. Grammie was so sick and now I know without a shadow of a doubt that she is up in heaven, and finally at peace. And we can all stop holding our breath for when her time was going to come. We wept together today as a family, said our prayers, spoke of her life and of her death, she is finally at peace. I will continue to pray for my family though as she left behind 4 broken hearted children, multiple grandchildren and that many more great grand children. Everyone grieves differently, I just pray that everyone grieves "health-fully."

I did a HUGE camera clean out this evening at Walmart, and let me tell you..."I HATE THEIR NEW SET UP." yes, I quoted myself, that is how passionately I HATE it. I LOVE the kodak kiosk deals where you put your little chip in and go to town with editing and all that jazz. Walmart updated their little picture kiosk's, and they all look super cool, new and fancy, however, THEY SUCK. You have to press SOOOO hard on the screens to get them to work, your editing options are VERY limited, and it takes FOREVER to do anything. :( What was supposed to be a 20 minuet trip (as I was emotionally and physically exhausted from today) turned into over an hour and a half. :( BOOO Next time I do my clean out i'll be heading strait to Target. My bad.

I got both my phone case and my ring in the mail today.

1- LOVE my phone case. LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!
2- HATE the ring. HATE HATE HATE IT! there were 4 beads that were broken off of it when I received it, and honestly, it is sooooo UGLY, I would NEVER wear it anyway. lol maybe I shouldn't be soooo harsh towards it, I could just simply say it's not my taste. Or I could give the stupid ring the benefit of the doubt and think that maybe if those 4 beads had not been broken, it would have been cute. Doubtful, however, I am going to keep it because I can take it apart and make something I think brilliant out of it. :)

Any-whoo, I get to go back to work tomorrow (YAAAAAAY) and I so desperately need to get some sleep, so I will leave you with this...

It is Mr. Bry Fred's BIRTHDAY TODAY...the big 22, YAHOOOO!!! So in love with him.

nighty night friends, adore you.

getting better?

WHATS THAT???

This whole "being sick" thing has REALLY started to irk me. Every day I wake up and I think "today's ganna be the day that everything starts to click back into place." HA. Still waiting. My poor head/face is in SO much pain. YUCK! I just want to be myself again!!! :( Why do sicknesses feel the need to stick around for half a month? Truly RIDICULOUS.

Lol...and that's all i'm going to rant about today. I'm spending some time with my pup, than i'm off to work for the evening!


ciao-

New necklace.

I haven't put this baby up on Etsy yet, but I'm sure it will be there by next week. :) I post the link when I do.

online merch and other brainwashing issues

I am having a problem. Literally, I am, an online shopping problem. I can't seem to get away from it, ALL OF A SUDDEN. It's like, I discovered "Ru La La," and everything took its down hill course from there. Why is it that every night, right before I go to sleep I allow myself to just "browse" the daily boutiques going on. I also tell myself I can't buy anything and that I'm just window shopping. Well of course one thing leads to another and here I am waiting for 3 different packages to come in the mail. I AM SAVING TO BUY A HOUSE, not a new wardrobe. What the heck is wrong with me. I am soooo easily brain washed. I am truly the perfect market for online advertisements, or any advertisements for that matter. If I see someone walking down the street with a snickers bar, I think to myself I NEED to have a snickers, and I won't stop until I am at the checkout purchasing that stupid candy bar.
Last night, I was reading through the Ru La La blog, and it mentioned that everyone needed to have a chunky grey ring for this coming season. So I of course went onto etsy in search of a chunky grey ring (because I clearly don't have enough chunky rings as is.) Does anyone thing I purchased a chunky grey ring? NO...I walked away purchasing a chunky WEIRD looking green ring. WHY???? I didn't need this ring, don't even know that it will be cute when I get it, I just did it because, well, the opportunity was sitting in front of me and the "purchase" button just looked so inviting.
I also have a purple zebra face phone case on its way, and a LARGE package (hopefully arriving tomorrow) from forever 21 en route.
And to really place that cherry right smack on top- I have been out sick from work for an entire week...HOW THE HECK DO I THINK I CAN JUST SPEND SPEND SPEND??? Insert online shopping addict "defeated" face. I need some serious reinforcement here. ANY SUGGESTIONS???

On a much lighter note, I FINALLY signed up @ mint.com and started the whole budget attempt, which see above rant, it isn't going the greatest. But truly, it is one of the coolest tools I think I have ever seen on the internet. I really think that once I get the hang of things it is going to ROYALLY help me. And now if I can just get Mr. crazy pants (Bryan) into his bank to set up his online banking, our lives in general could be a LOT easier to work with. PHEW that felt intense to me.

Speaking of intense, this week has been that times 10 (at the least.) Did I mention how sick I have been...SICK SICK SICK, and Ive been seeing through the bars on my quarantined house that it has been GORGEOUS outside. :( "YO Tif's immune system, WAY TO BLOW IT!!!!"

Also Great Grandma Mae past away yesterday morning at the beautiful age of 91. It is a bitter sweet time as I rejoice that she is with Jesus now, and no longer suffering down here. However, I am so very sad for the family that is left feeling empty. Death truly causes you to reflect on life. On the things that matter most, and the things that really don't matter at all. She was such an amazing women, I have heard many stories from her own mouth, and from others about the things that she had overcome. She grew up during the great depression, lived through WWI and WWII. Lived through the death of a first husband, and a second. She was such a brave, determined, amazing, kind hearted lady. The lord sure was gracious to bring her as far as he did. I will never forget her beautiful face. Thursday will be the funeral. I think I might come undone at some point, but it truly is a part of living. We all are given but one chance to live, to breath, to make the most of every minuet. To bless, to touch, to pray, to encourage, to be encouraged. So here's to living life to the fullest, and taking every moment as it comes. God will never give us more than we can handle- he promises.

I hope you all have a WONDERFUL week.

sincerely,

a broke (but highly fashioned) little girl.

My favorite products right now. :)

Yes, sorry Aveda, I think I've moved on. 

My favorite shampoo and conditioner right now is the Ficocello's argan stuff. IT IS SOOOOO MOISTURE FILLED, it's CRAZY! It just came out last month though, so there is no picture for the duo as of yet.

I am in LOVE with Moroccan oil: It protects my hair and makes it smell SO YUMMY!

Sebastion whipped cream: It Truly is amazing, if youve never used it, you should look it up on line and read about it.

The ficocello's rootbooster:

And Sebastion's Re-shaper hair spray! They are normally a little over $20 in the Salon, and currently they have like 7 cans left on Sale for $14 at the training center. SUCH A GREAT DEAL!

I have many other favorites that I like to use on my Clients, but these above are my favorites for my hair right now!!! :)

Enjoy!!

"Friendship Divorce"

So this entire post is SUPER random. I attempted to type in "google" and accidentally stumbled on this "goop" site. I know, WEIRD. However, I have not put much research into it, but after clicking around a couple times, I ran across this really interesting piece titled "friendship divorce. "

The site is: www.goop.com  - again, not sure exactly what it is, but it looks worth checking out.

My favorite quote from this article: "In essence, our friends are the life-affirming fountain from which we drink. Good friends fill us up with warmth, honesty and a sense of well-being. If you feel drained, empty, belittled and insulted by a friend you should acknowledge that this is diminishing your life experience and not enhancing it. In this case, I would move away from this person, honor whatever good you did get from them in the past, and move toward those friends in life that only want to help light your way!"

The article can be found at: http://goop.com/newsletter/71/en/

I'll post it as well though so you don't necessarily need to click on the link!

ENJOY. 

Friendship Divorce “What do you do when you realize that although you may have years of history, and found real value in each other in times past, that you kind of don't like a friend anymore? That, after time spent with this person, you feel drained, empty, belittled or insulted. My father always used to tell me that, ‘you can't make new old friends.’ How do you distinguish if someone in your life makes you change for the better or if you are better off without them?” Elizabeth Mattis-Namgyel replies: I appreciate the wisdom in this statement, “We can’t make new old friends.” There is something noble about honoring our history with others. In the context of your question, it also opens a door to an even deeper inquiry: “What does it mean to be a friend?” and “What is our responsibility to others?” I was wandering around the city today. I enjoy interacting with everyone I meet. People are often much easier to be around when we don’t have history with them – it’s fresh. And this made me wonder... It seems that the people with whom we share a history we often have a lot of unspoken agreements with. We have agreements that we will stay the same and uphold certain dynamics that are comfortable for us – that make us feel secure. Such agreements can be insidious; we may not even notice them. We may, for example, share in our relationship a subtle agreement that “Life is hard,” or that “We are the only ones that understand”; or we may agree to share a common enemy. We may hook up with a high school friend on the Internet and agree to relate to them in the same way we did twenty years ago, even though we’ve grown up, have a family, and see the world in a completely different way now. Sometimes in relationships, we agree to deny that something unhealthy is going on, such as substance abuse or illness. Sometimes we agree to take on certain roles in a relationship such as being “the boss,” “the victim,” or “the strong one.” And as part of the dynamic we may have an unspoken agreement to take responsibility for the emotional life of another in a way that is crippling for them — that prevents them from finding emotional independence. Such agreements are challenged when one person starts to change and move ahead in life. The important thing to recognize about agreements is that it takes more than one person to make one. If we see that an agreement is not serving our well-being and the well-being of our friend, it is intelligent to break it... and it is possible to break an agreement without abandoning the friendship. In fact, it is an act of courage and kindness to ourselves and to our friend. We are all looking for well-being and happiness in life. So the purpose of friendship is to support and be supported in our search for well-being and happiness. Breaking unhealthy agreements challenges our tendency to withdraw into habitual ways of being that sabotage this intention. At the same time, breaking unhealthy agreements awakens our longing to grow and experience a sense of wonderment about ourselves and the world. There are many ways of being in relationship and this is an opportunity to learn something new. Of course, there is always a chance our friend may not be interested in working on the relationship with you. That is their choice. But this doesn’t mean we can’t remain faithful to our friend; it doesn’t mean that we have to give up our care for them or our wish for their well-being. There is no need to abandon them. In fact, as citizens of the human race, isn’t it our responsibility to never abandon anyone? If we live with clarity and integrity, how could it conflict with the well-being of others? Our relationship to others has everything to do with the relationship we have with ourselves, as well as the clarity of our vision. In a larger sense, cultivating love and care for all living beings is the only way to live with integrity and purpose. Elizabeth Mattis-Namgyel is the author of the upcoming book, “The Power of an Open Question” (Shambhala Publications). Dr. Karen Binder-Byrnes replies: Friendship is one of the most enduring and wonderful gifts of being alive. Friendship is universal in humanity. Young children start friendships with the sharing of curiosities, toys and laughter. As we grow, some friendships develop with us for a lifetime providing companionship, support, and love for each other’s beings. I believe that friendship, throughout our lives, serves as a mirror of our very essence. The love, laughter and concern we share with friends gives us a sense of self which can sometimes be thwarted within our family relations. Our friends become our historians, secret keepers and comrades on life’s journey. In the years I have worked as a therapist, the friends of my patients have filled my practice space with their presence as fierce defenders, continual cheerleaders and often lifesavers. The question this week deals with why friendships change and even sometimes end after long periods of time. We have probably all had friends in our lives who were so involved with us during certain periods that the thought of that person no longer being around seems impossible. However, just like many other human relationships, friendships are quite complicated and can be fraught with conflict and tension at times. There are countless reasons why even some of the more enduring friendships come apart at the seams. On the most basic level, friendships can change when two people grow apart from each other. This can happen when friends meet and get close during certain periods of their lives because they are sharing common experiences together. This may include growing up in the same area, going to school together, being on sports teams etc. As we grow and mature, friends that once “fit” no longer do and we move on. Hopefully, this change occurs slowly and naturally over time and without much stress attached. Proximity is also very important in creating and maintaining close connections with friends. Sometimes, physical distance creates a wedge between friends. The more painful termination of friendships has to do with more complex psychological and emotional issues and are often fraught with anxiety and great distress. Friendships that last a lifetime are those in which the balance between give and take, honesty and support, and a genuine desire for our friend’s well-being are paramount. Unfortunately, as in all human relations, this balance can sometimes shift and no longer benefit one or the other in the relationship. For example, a friendship can go along smoothly until one half of the pair comes into some circumstance where social or financial status shifts. How two friends deal with the change of fortune for one or the other is a delicate mission. Here jealousy, envy and insecurities may arise creating tension where none existed before. As we go through life, we realize that some friends are always there when things go wrong for us but cannot stand it when our luck changes for the better. Likewise, some friendships cannot tolerate the loss of status, position or standing of the friend. Sadly, sometimes friendships are harmed when others in the friend’s life such as spouse, other friends etc., create tension. A more deeply held psychological construct is that of who we pick in the first place to be our friends. Until we become psychologically aware and more evolved, we may pick the wrong people to befriend as a way of working out unresolved interpersonal issues from our pasts. As we become more emotionally healthy, those friendships will no longer be tolerable. For example, when one has low self-esteem, they may pick critical friends as a way of reinforcing their negative self-view. However, if one grows more confident, this dynamic may no longer be acceptable. In essence, our friends are the life-affirming fountain from which we drink. Good friends fill us up with warmth, honesty and a sense of well-being. If you feel drained, empty, belittled and insulted by a friend you should acknowledge that this is diminishing your life experience and not enhancing it. In this case, I would move away from this person, honor whatever good you did get from them in the past, and move toward those friends in life that only want to help light your way! Thank you. Dr. Karen Binder-Brynes is a leading psychologist with a private practice in New York City for the past 15 years. See her website, DrKarennyc.com, for more information. Cynthia Bourgeault replies: “Old friends” and “true friends” are not necessarily identical. Old friends have stood the test of time; true friends are timeless. True friends may have been in your life since your childhood or they may have shown up only yesterday, but it’s from the quality of the heart that you know them, not the number of years you’ve logged together. Most friendships are situational, though we don’t like to admit it. They spring up in the ground of common interests and/or common circumstances. Your “mommy group,” yoga friends, work associates — and going back in time, college roommates, high school teammates and even childhood chums — are all examples of situational friendships. Within these enclaves, we may feel closer to some folks than to others. But as our circumstances change or our life’s journey takes us in separate directions, the common ground begins to fade, and maintaining the connection takes more and more energy — sometimes, just too much energy! That’s nothing to beat yourself up about: situational friendships aren’t “fake,” they’re just “not forever.” Sometimes it’s not only okay but downright healthy to move on. If you’ve just entered recovery, for example, or decided to shed those unwanted pounds by committing to a healthy lifestyle, your old drinking buddies may no longer be the best companions for you. People who embark on a spiritual practice like yoga, meditation, or contemplative prayer regularly report “losing a whole set of old friends and gaining a whole set of new ones.” Couples who suddenly become parents find themselves drifting away from their “swinging singles” friends, while sadly, couples who divorce will frequently find themselves “divorced” from their still-happily-married friends as well. While this can be painful, as all loss of intimacy is, it becomes psychologically corrosive only when you also have to fight your expectation that it shouldn’t be this way. Nobody has failed; it’s just life doing its thing. Still, true friends do exist, miraculously hidden amongst all the situational flux. How do you recognize them? Usually they reveal themselves only after the situation itself has changed. And the results can be surprising: sometimes the people who remain in your life and the ones who fall out are not at all what you would have predicted! But these “friends forever,” however they play out in your particular life situation, always seem to share three characteristics: (1) They have a capacity to grow with you (and you with them) through life’s changing circumstances; 2) They are low-maintenance, rarely-to-never imposing themselves or laying expectations on you; and 3) contact with them, when it comes, is never a duty, but always a gift “heart to heart.” Such friends—always a rare and special breed — have an uncanny knack for being able to stay in tune with you emotionally over huge gaps of time and space. Maybe you don’t hear from them for three years — or thirty — but then the phone rings and there they are again, and it’s like picking up as if you never left off. We can’t command the heart, of course. We can’t pre-screen our friends for potential “forever” status, or impose this expectation as a unilateral requirement. But paradoxically, perhaps, the best way to help all our friendships grow wisely and well is to take responsibility for our own aloneness. No friendship can long survive under coercion and demand. If we seek friends because they “feed us,” or hide us from our loneliness or boredom or fear; if we expect them to “be there for us” because we don’t know how to be there for ourselves, then this kind of neediness is eventually going to translate into demand and duty, and on these rocks many friendships founder. The relationship becomes just too fraught with expectations, hidden agendas, and disappointments, and eventually the barrel runs dry. Whenever either party begins to feel, “This friendship is draining me,” it’s a pretty sure tip-off that an iceberg of hidden expectation is lurking beneath the surface — in which both parties, alas, are partially complicit. The more we can take responsibility for our own emotional well-being, the more we can live comfortably in our own skin, the more friendship can become what it is truly meant to be — whether for the whole of our life or just the miracle of the present: the spontaneous overflowing of our uniquely human capacity for intimacy, compassion, and joy. Cynthia Bourgeault is an Episcopal priest, writer and retreat leader. She is founding director of the Aspen Wisdom School in Colorado and principal visiting teacher for the Contemplative Society in Victoria, BC, Canada. Michael Berg replies: What is the purpose of friendship? Obviously there are all kinds of physical reasons for our friendships- we enjoy someone’s company, they are easy to talk to, they make us laugh – but this is not the true purpose. The kabbalists teach that one of the only true choices we make in life is our environment, and the friends we surround ourselves with. This has a tremendous influence on us because everything flows from there. Consider this: you put an apple seed on the table and water it for months. Naturally, if you were to water it for a million years it still wouldn’t grow to become a tree. But if you put it in the ground and watered it, then it would become a tree. The potential for greatness is true in that seed always, but the environment – table vs. ground – makes all the difference. The same is true for people. The spiritual core reason for a friendship is that it can – and is meant to - help us change and grow. Friends are people who call us on our issues, push us to grow, and support us through this process. We can’t overestimate how important good friends are to our growth in life. As a matter of fact, one of the first things written in the Bible in relation humanity is, “it is not good for man to be alone.” We cannot achieve our potential, nor live a life of fulfillment, without great, inspiring friends around us. Therefore, if we choose to be surrounded by friends who are not positive, or who speak ill, then it’s going to be almost impossible not to fall into that type of behavior. We have to appreciate the amount of influence our friends and the environment we create for ourselves truly has on our lives. Once we know and understand how important it is, we have to assess our friendships. Everything else is secondary to the question, “Does he or she help me to become a better person - does he or she push me and help me grow?” Once we make that assessment, then the answer is pretty simple. If we have a friend that makes us feel worthless, hurts us, or doesn’t enable us to grow and actually makes us feel bad, then clearly that’s a friendship and environment we don’t want to subject ourselves to. We have the responsibility to diminish that friendship. Not only isn’t it serving its purpose, it can have a detrimental effect on us. Now, this does not mean it is OK to cut people out of our lives. In fact, the first thing we want to do when we notice a relationship isn’t helping – or is hurting - is to see what we can do to help them in their process. Maybe if we speak to them clearly and forcefully they will change. It is our first responsibility to help our friend become a better person and friend. But, assuming we have done everything we can and the friendship is still no longer serving its purpose, yes, it is our responsibility to diminish that bond. Please note my choice of words: diminish, not cut. My father taught me that if someone has been our friend, they are our friend forever. It doesn’t mean spending 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with them if it makes us feel bad. But it does mean that whenever there is an opportunity to help, we must. If they were once our friend, then they are our friend forever in that regard. Just because we make a decision that this is someone we shouldn’t be spending a lot of time with, it doesn’t mean we must completely tighten the heartstrings. Assess your friendships. If they are supporting you in your growth and change, then cherish them. If they diminish you, then you diminish them. But, once again, a friend is always a friend. Though they may no longer be a constant presence in your life nevertheless if there is an opportunity to help you should, always be open, for true friendship never ends. Michael Berg is a Kabbalah scholar and author. He is co-Director of The Kabbalah Centre, www.kabbalah.com. You can follow Michael on twitter,twitter.com/inspiringchange. His latest book is What God Meant.